Spiritual growth – Page 6 – Finding a new "normal"

Beating triskaidekaphobia

From high-rise buildings without a 13th floor to Emergency Departments that skip Bay 13, a lot of us prefer to skip the number 13 altogether. When it comes to calendar years, though, no one ever established the leap year to avoid ’13 and appease the triskaidekaphobes.

I’ve always had an innate interest in numbers. As a musician, I can easily associate skills in music with skills in math. My only mental link to the concept of eternity is to associate it with numbers – the eternal continuum of numbers in two directions. As a Christian, I’ve always linked the number 3 to the Trinity, 12 to the tribes of Israel, 40 to the wandering Israelites in the desert … and somehow the number 13 has always joined the list as “unlucky.”

Anyone interested in the history of assigning 13 as an “unlucky” number can read about it online enough to get the idea that it’s a very old custom. I agree with the builders who are re-incorporating 13 into construction designs. When I was a sales director with Mary Kay Cosmetics, I learned that Mary Kay Ash was a fan of the number 13. She thought it was lucky and started her business on Friday, September 13, 1963. (I admire her for many other reasons, but I like this in particular.) We have traditionally given 13 a lot of power as “the” unlucky number.

For whatever reason, I always thought of 8 as my “lucky number.” I don’t remember how I arrived at that initially. “8” has disappointed me many times, so I sort of let that whole idea go. I was born in 1966, but not in the sixth month, so I was always happy about that. I suppose it would have been comforting to have been born in July of 1977, but that wasn’t meant to be for me.

When 2012 rolled around in the calendar, I didn’t blink an eye. What could be wrong with 2012? It seemed harmless enough as it began, and my family had some wonderful things happen in the early months of 2012: a college graduation, a beautiful wedding, the first grandchild! Weaved into that year, though, was one of the most painful things I’ve endured in life: divorce. As a country, we have endured some really challenging experiences, too. Just think about it for a minute. 2012 has been a wonderful, terrible, victorious, defeating, celebratory, mournful year. I don’t know whether to put it in the “good” or “bad” category!

So, now comes 2013. I’m not afraid of 13. I’m rather ambivalent about the number but I’m hopeful about the year. I pray for God to bless us in 2013, just like I do every other year. And God does bless us, even in the most difficult years. I suppose we think being lucky means having only good things happen to us. I’ve lived long enough to see that good and bad often tag along together. I feel lucky when my child wins two toys at once in the claw game and I feel loved and blessed when great things continue to happen for me and my children in the middle of my biggest disappointments.

Do you create slogans for each year to motivate yourself toward new goals? “See and be seen in 2013!” (Maybe not.) “Healthy and lean in 2013!” (Some of you might like that one.) “Eliminate mean in 2013!” (I wish.) 2013 may or may not be lucky, but I do pray for love and blessings for all in this new year! Hope beats luck every time.

When “why?” is impossible to answer

I can remember several days in my lifetime when something so tragic happened somewhere in the world that all I could do in response was to cry about it. In a relative sense, the events happened to people far away from me and my everyday routine, but their story somehow reminded me of my own and, because of that bit of familiarity, I realized that it very easily could have happened to me or to someone I love dearly. Yesterday was one of those days.

The moment I drove into the carpool lane of my first-grader’s school, I imagined the scene at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Connecticut. Not even for a full second could I imagine what it would be like to hear that my own child had been tragically killed while at his school. Even that thought for a fraction of a second brought me to sobbing tears. I imagined at that moment, that perhaps my tears could somehow share and relieve the burden of immense pain that was the reality for those families of children and adults who were killed in the Connecticut school tragedy. I prayed that it could be so.

There have been other school shootings that brought the same painful feelings: Columbine and Virginia Tech, for instance. Then there was the movie theater shooting this year. Otherwise, I remember the numbing grief that I and so many others felt after 9-11 in 2001. In this Information Age, we clamber for the facts as these news stories surface. Even when we can’t get the full story up front, we receive the bits and pieces as they come in and begin to stitch them together. We busy ourselves answering the question, “What happened?” while the answer we really seek is to the question, “Why did this happen?” It becomes obvious that our attempt to answer the “why?” question is really an effort to somehow control events in the future to prevent anything similar from ever happening again. After seeing several of these events unfold, it seems clear that we won’t ever be able to fully prevent them as long as life exists on earth as we know it. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to find and take preventive measures, though.

As a mother and a children’s minister, my thoughts quickly turn to the questions and reactions of the children in my care. How on earth can such evil be explained to an innocent child without destroying his or her sense of security and trust? Having three children of my own, I am keenly aware that each child responds differently to the same situation and that children can surprise us with their profound perspectives that many times, in comparison to our own jaded perspectives, sound more like wisdom than our grown-up conclusions often do.

The mistake I think parents make most is that we tend to believe that our children require answers from us to all the questions in every situation – even those situations for which we can find no answers. Another common mistake is that parents don’t really listen closely to the concerns their children actually express. Instead, we tend to say things in the midst of difficult situations that attempt to answer our own questions or discomforts, and many times it comes in the form of pat answers and clichés. These approaches are equally unhelpful in my opinion. I believe it is most helpful when we express our own pain and grief honestly without trying to answer the unanswerable.

In our state of vulnerability, we remember our humanity. For those of us who profess faith in God, we also remember His divinity and the broken-ness of our world. In tragedy, we have a unique opportunity to demonstrate true faith to our children. We do this, not by having the answers but by grieving openly while placing our hope for mercy and comfort in the God we don’t see. In moments when we look up from our grieving we begin to see God at work in the middle of a tragic situation through the courage of a teacher or the prayers of a child or the unspeakable peace of a father who has lost his only son.

As we begin to process our own grief, it becomes apparent that tragedies of this magnitude do not happen only to those unfamiliar, faraway people who are directly affected. These tragedies are our very own. The impact of loss is felt immediately inside us. Also inside us, we sense God nudging us toward others who need our help. We pray for those who are hurting and then do something to help those who might cross our path. When we can’t give answers, we learn to give ourselves. And pray. “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

The real meaning of Black Friday

When I was growing up, my dad ran a retail furniture and appliance business. One of the lessons of retail he taught me was that “you can make your week in one day, your month in one week, and your year in one month.” In other words, retail income isn’t a steady, consistent, reliable flow – and it can sometimes feel like feast-or-famine. The point of knowing that is to discipline yourself as a retailer to live off the averages and not the exceptions. The other point is not to lose hope when times are lean. That one great day or amazing week could be right around the corner.

As a child, I was unaware of the inconsistency which may have caused pressure for my father in providing for us. The store was open every day except Sundays and Wednesdays. We worshipped on Sundays and we shopped on Wednesdays. It was that way for my entire childhood. I wasn’t aware of any financial restrictions; we always had food and clothing and could go to the doctor as needed. I have no childhood memory of worrying about provisions.

Over the past several years it has become increasingly noticeable that Thanksgiving Day is being squeezed out by its neighboring day, now known as “Black Friday.” In accounting, a “black” day would be a profit-making day that brings a business out of the “red” (operating at a loss.) Retailers today put a lot of hope in Black Friday and the Christmas shopping season that it kicks off. I suspect some actually do need to be pulled out of the red and into the black in terms of accounting, but many just want more of the black (aka “green.”)

I have a lot of issues with our consumerist culture. We easily understand concepts of profit and loss and why it is necessary to do whatever it takes to remain “in the black.” We take a profit/loss approach to just about everything we do: careers, relationships, where/when/if we serve as volunteers … you get the picture. As I learned in my sales career, everyone wears a sign that reads, “What’s in it for me?” If I stand to gain more than I lose, then I might buy what you’re selling.

I suppose that’s some of what has happened to Thanksgiving. People don’t see much personal gain in giving thanks. A day dedicated to visiting with family and sharing a special meal to commemorate a year of things for which to give thanks might seem like a waste of time. Perhaps a nod to gratitude could suffice before we hit the big sales and put a dent in our Christmas shopping.

But I would argue that an intentional day of gratitude is a great investment. I would count it as a discipline, really – a discipline that trains and prepares us to trust God for what we receive and what we can give. It was in my sales career that I learned that God is indeed my provider, regardless of who writes my checks. We could never out-give God and should never miss an opportunity to thank God. So, don’t let our cultural fascination with “big sales” on Black Friday rob you of your opportunity to be thankful first. Spend time with your loved ones and thank God for them. Even if that means you don’t get to the store until 10:00 on Friday morning.

To be “liked”

I don’t really have 562 friends. It feels good to think that I do, but I don’t really. What I do have is something that has developed over the course of the past few years … all because of Facebook. It’s my love-hate relationship with the “like” button.

Honestly, when I post some new status or picture or blog post, no human could pry the phone out of my Kung Fu grip. I have to check responses … like, every two minutes. I never used to be THAT un-cool. As a matter of fact, I had an ultra-cool, take-me-or-leave-me kind of vibe before Facebook showed up with that blasted “like” button. The “like” factor is so strong now – so compelling – that it has caused me to actually delete posts that didn’t get a response within 10-15 minutes. The thoughts I posted that were interesting to me at first suddenly seem uninteresting or perhaps, I worry, offensive to someone. Worse yet, perhaps my friends read it and didn’t like it.

It is the ultimate false identity: the “liked” me. Granted, there is a certain goodness in keeping me on my toes in terms of what I say and how I say it. Too many folks on Facebook have no filter and ARE offensive … and of course they get their comments deleted or else their news hidden from everyone’s feed instead of being “liked.”

I call it a false identity because it is driven by validation from others. You know, any identity you build for yourself based on outside validation is fragile at best. It is very similar to the enmeshed identity that grows within some couples: you begin to do all the things that your significant other “likes” so that they will continue to validate and respond positively to you. Soon enough, you begin doing what you don’t want to do in order to keep being “liked.” Eventually, you know more of what your partner likes than what you like. The goal in that relationship is to be liked forever, but at what cost? The first clue that something is awry is the realization that you haven’t given much thought to doing or being what GOD likes.

One of the biggest challenges any of us face in our lifetime is the challenge of learning who we are as the image-bearers and children of God. My wish is that everyone might take enough time with God and with him- or herself to discover who it is you were created to become and then stay true to that identity. Allow God to transform you as you grow into it. So much of the identity we portray is manufactured by us and our drive to be “liked” by others. The funniest part is that other people most often like those they find to be true to themselves, whether that “self” conforms to cultural norms or not.

So, now do you see my dilemma? When I post this blog, I really want somebody to “like” it. At the same time, I really want readers to get the message whether you all like me or not. So when you click “like,” I will read it as a message delivery receipt and nothing more. Or, at least, that’s what I’ll try to do.

Our dirty lenses

I’ve worn corrective lenses of one kind or another since the 4th grade. Until the age of 16, I wore glasses. Oh, what an image of me with wildly poofy hair, big brown-framed glasses and braces – the awkward years, to say the least. From the age of 16 until now, I have experienced the corrective joy of contact lenses. Contacts stay cleaner than glass lenses, at least in the sense that they don’t get fingerprints all over them. Even with disposable lenses designed to wear overnight, I always choose to disinfect them overnight, every night. It just seems like a smarter option for a long-time wearer like me.

Although it may not be obvious, we all look through lenses of one sort or another. A lot of folks are not conscious on any level of the lenses through which they see the world. For the most part, people assume that everyone sees the world as they do. Or if it becomes clear that someone else does not, then that person is considered either inappropriate, uneducated, or just plain wrong. The funny thing is, that person may make the same judgment about the first person. You see, we all think our vision is the most correct one.

What we fail to see so often is that our lenses cause us to make mistakes in our interpretations. Our lenses develop from early childhood and are shaped by many, many biases – most often unquestioned and unchallenged biases – that create a sort of shorthand for us as we age. Once we learn in childhood, for example, that women are inferior beings because Eve ate the “apple”, or that another race of people is morally inferior because of what this parent or that relative taught us either in words or in actions, then later in life when we encounter a situation where women are being abused or a person of another race is experiencing discrimination, our lenses help us jump to a justifying conclusion. “Oh yeah, that is happening because this subconscious message engraved in my lenses must be true.” But, many times – many times – it isn’t true.

I am studying now about the attitude of Jewish men, particularly other rabbis, during the time Jesus walked the earth. Every day, it was their habit to thank God they were not born as Gentiles (heathens), as women, or as unlearned men. If you say that every day, you can’t help but to be convinced that women, other races, and the uneducated/poor are less human and less deserving than you are. I can’t help but equate that attitude with attitudes I have encountered throughout life from other White Americans about what it means to be born White in America and the ingrained, automatic biases against anyone who isn’t White. Honestly, most folks are not aware how covered in bias their own lenses have become.

Jesus was really good at showing the folks in his day how dirty their lenses were. He did it by blowing their minds with what they considered to be outrageous behavior for a rabbi. He taught women! He spoke to them in public! Jesus spent time loving and befriending and healing people with whom “righteous” men were not supposed to contaminate themselves. He was radical in that regard, and the “holy men” hated him for it.

As a Jesus-follower, I hope to some day blow people’s minds by revealing years of grimy bias. We all should hope to do that. But, in order to reveal dirty lenses, we first have to consistently examine and clean our own.

And then, there were three

I love to study people, as in humans and human behavior. In my undergraduate studies, it took me a while to land in the field of sociology, but I can say with certainty that I think like a sociologist. Thankfully, now as a seminarian, I think like a minister-sociologist. Psychology is intriguing, too, but what happens inside one person is only a fragment of the bigger picture. None of us behave in a way that is isolated or neutral regarding our relationships with other humans. We have our own thoughts and beliefs, but what we do is always invariably an interaction. As much as we might think that what we do can be done without affecting others, it is rarely true. (I only say “rarely” because I try to avoid any broad statements that include “always” or “never.”) Similarly, much of what we do is directly because of a relationship with another person or group of people. In general, our behavior is weaved into the lives of others in ways we can’t always see or else in ways we often deny.

As humans living in relationship, we have certain ways of dealing with relationships when they become tense or difficult. One of the prevalent tools we use is something referred to as “triangulation.” Triangulation is a systems-theory word that means, simply put, when things become tense between two people, one of them pulls in a third party to help stabilize his or her situation. In psychology and other anthropological studies, there are many, many variations of the triangles that we create in relationships. Google it – you will find more than you care to read!

So much of what I liked about sociology in college was that the concepts were things I had experienced and could understand – I just never knew there was a name for “it!” Even from my description of triangulation, I suspect you have made connections to the idea based on your own experiences. Picture this: On Saturday morning, Wife and Husband argue about housework and other shared responsibilities around the house. Husband leaves to work on a car project with a friend and Wife takes teenage Daughter to have lunch and then to do some shopping. Wife is upset and cries to Daughter about the morning’s events. Daughter consoles her mother (Wife) and is annoyed with her father (Husband) when he arrives at home later that day. (Triangulation.) Meanwhile, Husband has spoken with his Friend about his frustrations at home. This Friend offers to take him to a sporting event to which he has tickets that evening to get away from the worries he has at home. Friend pulls up to the house and honks the horn without coming inside to take the Husband out for the rest of the evening. (Triangulation.) The problem with triangulation is that, while both Husband and Wife received temporary comfort, the tension has not been eased within the primary relationship in the least. In fact, it is worse.

So, what do Christ-followers do with scenes like this? What can we learn from scriptures about ways to deal intimately with each other without creating so much drama? John 16-17 is really one of my favorite passages in the entire bible. In this passage, Jesus (God, the Son) is preparing his disciples for what is about to happen to him – specifically, his pending death and resurrection. (“Huh?!?” Can you imagine being one of the disciples at that moment?!) He speaks to them of an Advocate (God, the Holy Spirit) who can only come if he goes through with this thing and who will speak to them only what Jesus (God) instructs. And in chapter 17, Jesus prays to God the Father for his mission, his disciples, and for those who will believe because of their testimony (us!) I can’t think of a more intimate threesome – so much so that He is our one true God!

The concept of the Trinity is no small thing to understand. We may never fully get it. But we can read those two chapters and begin to wrestle with our own relationship patterns and lack of unity. Surely, from these two chapters, we can learn to reach toward our Holy God for stabilization and unity and to learn from Him exactly how “intimacy” is done correctly!

Finding My Way Back to Now

The concept of time fascinates me. I’m certainly no physicist, although I am a fan of Sheldon Cooper. Time as we understand it in the sense of being a phenomenon of earth and earthlings is a mystery. It makes me think of eternity and how the timeless interacts with the temporal. (What, for instance, is really happening when people see apparitions?) It leads me to wonder about the continuum of history, present, and future and what that means to the God of creation. I wish I could see even for a moment how our lives must look from His perspective. Eternity is mind-boggling. Yet, it is something to which we who were created in the image of God are connected.

Lately, I have found myself stuck in thoughts about the past and concerns about the future. In the process of grieving a very significant loss in my own life, I have temporarily lost the ability to be fully present. In my grieving, I have found myself tending to distort the past. My memories are very selective, but powerful enough to bring a sense of what was “real.” The disconnection between what was “real” and what is true now brings even more anxiety about the future. It is a terribly disjointed sense of time and eternity. Fortunately, God – Who is present now and Who was present then and Who will be present in all future – calls to my attention that my current perspective is neither accurate nor helpful.

I’ve never been one to wish to know the future. Actually, I believe if we knew what was in our future, we would likely be paralyzed by a fear of the challenges we would see. Surely that’s why Jesus said “Don’t be afraid” so often. When we encounter God, we are encountering eternity, which inevitably brings with it some knowledge of the future as well as a clear vision of the past and present.

The most exciting and only real thing we have is right now. It’s the only place we as humans can operate. In our “right now,” God calls us to be His representatives in the world. (I feel some preaching coming on, yes, but mostly to myself.) In our “right now,” God tells us not to fear, but to love Him and love our neighbors and love ourselves. God calls us into future work by speaking to us right now.

In this frame of mind, I am keenly aware of the present. In this frame of mind, I am listening and looking for what God is saying and showing. In this frame of mind, I see my story – the one that was, that is, and that is yet to be known – as part of a larger story that God authors. And it is in this frame of mind, that I begin to find a real sense of peace, right now.

Facing the Truth: An Excerpt from The Addict Magnet

You don’t need to look very far to find someone who struggles with addiction or is affected by addictive behavior within his or her family. I don’t necessarily mean smoking crack, either. Addictions are so varied – alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription drugs, shopping, gambling, porn, food abuse – but all are devastating in family relationships.

Several years ago, I wrote a book titled, “The Addict Magnet.” My experience in relationships with addicts and of being addicted myself to another person led me into a period of great learning, great transformation, and a new calling. Since my entry into Divinity School, I have spoken freely about my desire to minister to families who deal with addiction. As a sort of experiment, I’d like to share an excerpt – portions of Chapter 5 – from “The Addict Magnet.” Of course, the intended audience for this book is people who are what used to be labeled “codependent” personalities or else relationship addicts. Codependent isn’t always a favored term any more, but the behaviors are still predictable and recognizable. If any of these concepts resonate with you and if you feel inclined, please leave a comment. Peace, *Sandy

5 Facing the Truth

For those of us who have become experts at denial, one of the hardest things to do is to face and embrace the truth.

We may know the truth about our partner and what he or she may be doing but we adequately justify behavior that we do not condone or tell ourselves that it is not as bad as we are making it out to be. We may also know the truth about ourselves and never stand up for ourselves or say what we really think or feel. If you are ever to be able to find peace within yourself and stop yourself from compulsive behaviors that would attempt to regulate other people, then you must face and embrace the truth.
( … )

Facing and embracing truth also means being willing to confront those who would attempt to deceive you or deny the truth when you have evidence to the contrary. Along with that confrontation must come the willingness to watch that person walk away or leave altogether. Liars are never comfortable with being presented evidence of their deception and their most likely reactions will be flight and counter-accusations. Do not back down when you know the truth. Do not be deceived by someone who seeks not only to deceive you but who is also grossly deceived him- or her-self. Most of all, do not fall for your own deceptive denial. Those of us who tend to lie to ourselves are most vulnerable to the lies of others. We teach ourselves to believe what we want to believe rather than what is true. Others who see that tendency in us find it easy to lie to us knowing that we will believe the thing that makes the best outward presentation.

When standing up for truth leaves you in a position of being left alone, there is little to comfort you without an understanding of how God works. Without a strong personal spiritual life and without friends and family who also believe in God’s ability to transform us through difficult times, it is easy at this point to dismantle your newly constructed boundaries. It is easy because there is great pain associated with the separation from or loss of a spouse or mate. And we have learned that, in order to reduce or remove the pain of separation or rejection, we must tolerate whatever our partner dishes out in order to just keep them around. Our greatest fear may be alone-ness.
( … )

Do not collapse when threatened with abandonment. Stand firm. Stand with God and with those who love you. Use the time when you are left standing on truth or principle to focus on developing yourself in areas you have neglected. You, with or without your spouse or mate, have special gifts and talents that are to be used to connect you with others to the glory of the One who created you. Give of yourself in healthy ways to people or organizations that need a helping hand. Give to yourself the gift of acceptance and worth. This transformation in you will change all your relationships from this point forward.

The high cost of doing nothing

My cell phone number isn’t the easiest number to remember. The digits are about as random as they can be. I’m not sure what makes a number “good” for spamming, but apparently mine is pretty good. A couple of months ago, my bill was higher than normal, but I assumed I had either used too much data or too many airtime minutes. It was around the time of my daughter’s wedding, so the phone was certainly used more than normal during that month. Upon looking at the bill more closely, I saw the charge was for some sort of “Trivia Texting” that I had never ordered.

When the texts came in, I just ignored them, much like spam email. After receiving another spam text from a different source, I called customer service to request help in making sure I wasn’t billed fraudulently again. Turns out, to avoid the charges, I needed to do something: text a reply that stated simply “stop.”

I’m not sure where I learned the art of ignoring things that I wanted to go away, but I learned it at a young age and used it for most of my life. In my mind, it is counter-intuitive that something might end up costing me if I ignore it. In my experience, however, I have learned that the things we ignore can end up costing us … a lot. Perhaps it is a misguided interpretation of how to trust in and wait on God. Trusting in God shouldn’t imply doing nothing. Instead, trusting in God implies relying on Him to guide us in our decisions and moves. I can see in some instances of my life that my decision to ignore things was based more on fear that I would make a bad choice or face a challenge bigger than I could handle than on my belief that God would work it all out. My lack of action has many times been a sign of being paralyzed by fear instead of a motivation to stand in my faith.

Even now, I face a need to act on something I’d rather ignore. I know, however, that it won’t go away just because I don’t deal with it. Kind of like Trivia Texting, the charges will continue to accrue until I send the “stop” text. Are you afraid to do something you know you have to do? These moments really are tests of our faith. The presence of fear doesn’t necessarily mean we have little or no faith. Our faith activates when we DO what we know we should do even WHILE feeling afraid or unhappy about doing it.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13)

A Mom’s Seven “Shares”

Mother’s Day is coming – good timing for a Mom blog – but that was not the inspiration for this post.
My oldest children are in the middle of different and very important life events. We’re talking big things here: college graduation, marriage, new baby… not in that order and not all in one place! Whatever I’ve done for/with/to those children in the way of training has mostly been accomplished. There is both comfort and anxiety in that knowledge.

I suspect parents do most of their “teaching” by example, whether we are aware of it or not. I’ve been a lecturing mom, for sure, but my children likely picked up more by watching than by listening to me lecture on and on. (Remember Charlie Brown’s teacher?)

There are times, though, when a mom feels that it is really necessary that her children hear what she wants to say to them. Mostly, we want them to learn from our mistakes so that they don’t make the same ones. We want them to have a smoother, straighter path to walk. Of course, it doesn’t always work out that way. That’s when we have to trust that the same God who used our most exciting and challenging times to shape and develop us will use the high and low times our children and other loved ones experience to shape and develop them, too.

These are just a few observations that I hope I have shared clearly with my children. If not, here it goes in plain English:

1. People with the least to lose can be either the most generous people you will meet or the most dangerous. People who value other people over “things” are life-givers. People who value “things” over people don’t value themselves or you and will suck the life out of you. Learn to tell the difference and be a life-giver. You can’t change the other folks, so don’t try. Let God do it.

2. Your choices matter. Choose wisely in all things. Sometimes, though, things will come that you did not choose. Accept those things as opportunities to change and grow into the person God wants you to be. All things do somehow work together for good, but we have to receive the lesson and be willing to change.

3. God’s math is different from ours. Give generously and faithfully to God’s work in the world. You cannot out-give Him, ever. He is a source that never runs dry and His provision will amaze you and sustain you! Love God and love people with everything you’ve got.

4. Honesty is probably the most important element in any relationship – your relationship with God, with others and with yourself. God knows when you’re lying, and others soon know . . . and by the time you figure out you’ve been lying to yourself and everybody else, there will be a lot of cleaning up to do! After honesty, forgiveness is the next important thing. Forgive freely – and don’t forget to forgive yourself.

5. If your dog doesn’t like one of your friends, you should take note…

6. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That applies to everything, so use it in every context. And know that not everyone else will operate that way. Be willing to be different.

7. Time and space are two things that are always full, no matter how much you have. Always work toward having yours full of the things you want to be there.
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To all the Moms, peace and blessings to you. Yours is the hardest job on earth and we all know it!